I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
