i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
