god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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