She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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