Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
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