I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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