He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
