I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
