Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Randomize
