I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
