im six kinds of drunk right now
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
