dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
