I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
