Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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