Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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