Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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