forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
