she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize