he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
