You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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