Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
