he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
