Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
