Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
You smell like stripper and shame
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
