Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
