We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
