guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
