I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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