who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
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