Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
you traded sex for a burrito?
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
