I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
