By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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