now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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