u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Randomize