Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
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