sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Alive.
So much puke
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize