I accidentally had phone sex last night
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Randomize
