she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize