yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Randomize
