Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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