Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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