If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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