Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Randomize
