i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
