did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize