So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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