under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
