how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
