We named our party play list daddy issues
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
