im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize