It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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