Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
