I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
