Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
