I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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