I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Randomize
