Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
