Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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