my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
