She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
that's an acceptable place to lick
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize
