Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
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