can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
