I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
