just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
