apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
