did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Randomize
