I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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