my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I would ride that face into the sunset
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
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