I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
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